


When I'm Fixed God Will Love Me

by Rainfirecupcake



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackwatch Era, Child Abuse, Cutting, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Religion, Religious Cults, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Trans Character, Trans Jesse McCree, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22290799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainfirecupcake/pseuds/Rainfirecupcake
Summary: Jesse McCree is having some issues with his past trauma resurfacing and Gabe, Jack, and Ana comfort him.Just a vent piece I wrote in an hour in the middle of the night and published immediately.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Genji Shimada, Jesse McCree/Reaper | Gabriel Reyes, Jesse McCree/Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Genji Shimada, Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Genji Shimada
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	When I'm Fixed God Will Love Me

Time seemed to pass faster here than it did back then. Not back on the streets of course when they threw him out, but before then. Jesse felt like he was drowning in himself and his panic. He just had to remember to pray for his soul, that he would fix everything. 

He fell to his knees next to his bed and began sobbing and praying. Praying for god to make him into someone his mama and his papa could've loved. Praying to make him a normal happy straight girl, not some mentally ill autistic gay boy. Maybe then his papa wouldn't have had Uncle take out a gun, wouldn't have told him he had 20 minutes to gather his things or be shot down.

He began rocking, sobbing and wheezing for breath all while unable to stop praying, shouting at this point through gasps of air. He heard the room next door open and shut and knew that Genji must be up but he couldn't stop. He needed to be saved, needed god to accept him, needed to cleanse himself of his sins. 

There was a banging at the door now, the devil had come knocking and Jesse heard screaming and his vision began to unfocus and focus, reaching for a knife. He knew how to cleanse his body of toxins, his papa had cleansed him himself back then but he had always been afraid in deadlock. No longer would he stand back from the lord. The door burst open and he shouted, "LORD PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME YET I SWEAR I'M CLEANSING AND I'M GOING TO CHANGE!" 

He began slashing himself over and over frantically, not caring for being precise and writing his transgressions in tiny neat letters the way his papa used to. He would fix this, he wouldn't be a useless retarded dyke like his mama thought he was. He'd prove he was worthy of God's love. 

All of a sudden it was yanked out of his hands and he jerked up to see Strike Commander Morrison and his own Commander Gabriel Reyes. His tears streamed freely down his cheeks as he noticed the specs of blood on Morrisons pristine uniform. "Jesse, what on Earth…?" Jack trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words. 

Jesse's eyes darted around a bit, looking for a way out where he could begin the process again in private when suddenly Gabe's arms were wrapped around him. "Cariño, I'm so sorry," he breathed and Jesse looked at him in confusion. What was he apologizing for?

Jack left the room, presumably to go get Ana. Jesse began breathing rapidly again, and Gabe began rocking him the bed slowly like one might rock a small child. "It's going to be alright. Vaquero we will get through this. I'm never giving up on you."

Once Jesse was all cried out he began to speak quietly, not noticing Ana and Jack opening and closing the door very quietly. "Why am I so fucked up? Why doesn't God love me?"

Gabe felt his heart hurt a little at how broken the cowboys voice sounded, but didn't have any idea how to comfort him. Jack however, spoke up. "You know, I was raised Christian, Southern Baptist to be exact, and I'm gay. Vincent and I were both disowned by the community when they found us kissing in the woods. That doesn't mean I'm doomed forever. That means they're bigots who don't have any love in their hearts. Jesse you are good, and you are worth so much more to us happy than you would be trying to fake yourself. They worship fanatically, a cult that gave you trauma. That isn't okay of them, but we're here for you."

Ana gently went over and grabbed peacekeeper from the table, knowing Gabe was occupied and she would be the only other person entrusted with it. Jesse looked up and sniffled, "Papa used to have me hold out my arm and cut into it the sin I had committed. Then he gave me short sleeved button ups and took me into town so everyone would see." He began to sob again. "I thought if I just cleansed myself the same way maybe I wouldn't be so bad and mama would want me back."

"Oh my sweet little Jessito," Gabriel murmured, "We're your family now and we won't ever abandon you. You are an amazing man all by yourself, no change or cleansing required." Ana nodded and continued, "Jesse you have so many people here who love you for being autistic, love you for being the man you are, and I'm sure your boyfriends love you, after all one of them did come and fetch us after he heard you screams and one is right here with you."

Jesse looked slightly calmer and asked in a small voice, "Can I not be alone please? Can I have a roommate?" Jack looked thoughtful and said, "Gabe, can you stay with him until we figure out a more permanent solution?" Gabe nodded, he didn't want his precious boy, his vaquero, to slash himself up like this again.

He laid Jesse down in bed and began tucking him in like a child again, handing the 18-year-old a plush horse. He swiftly stripped down to his boxers and grabbed a water bottle, holding it up to Jesse's lips making sure he had something to drink after all that crying. He laid down next to his boyfriend, stroking his hands through his hair softly.

Ana began to sing a soft Eqyptian lullaby to him while Jack gently wiped his skin down with a cloth and then bandaged it up. Jesse cuddled closer to Gabe, clinging to him like his life depended on it, and who knows? Maybe it did.


End file.
